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Posts from the ‘goals and determination’ Category

We start with changing ourselves

We invite people in our life and attract them.

What people we attract, depends on how we are assuming and seeing life and everybody else. There is a positive purpose in any response from the universe. The universe is trying to please us and give us what we are asking for.

We do rarely look for answers within ourselves.

I mentioned in my previous posts that we have lost the ability to see, understand and interpret the warning signs and encouraging signs which our subconscious mind and the universe makes us aware of. We also do not try to access our subconscious mind which has the knowledge about us and about everything else.

We live with blaming circumstances, situations, other people and bad luck.

We sometimes blame parents and relatives.

We sometimes blame everything, but especially government, politics and politicians.

We blame doctors for our bad health.

We blame the century we live in.

We blame teachers for lack of kids’ success.

We blame other people who teach us for putting us in a bad situation.

In fact, we have to assume responsibility for what we do, what we say and what we think. It is us who made choices, even in situations when it feels we didn’t do anything wrong. It is difficult to understand what caused every situation, but it usually becomes clear after some time. That time might be shorter or longer, but the cause-and-effect chain will be visible from the distance.

Imagine you are watching a movie where somebody gets in all kinds of troubles. You hold your breath sometimes and beg: “Oh, no! Don’t do that!” or “Oh, my God! Don’t trust him!” If that were you, you would not act like that because you can see in a movie everything from the side and from a distant point. It is clear what everybody’s intention is, where it is going, and it is easy to understand where every action will take these people.

When it comes to our own life, we frequently tend to lose direction and purpose. We sometimes get lost completely, and we sometimes get off track, as well.

The truth is that nobody else is responsible for one’s lucky or unlucky life, but that person oneself. We only receive in our life what we believe in, what we believe we are and what we believe the world around us is. Neither the universe, nor God punishes anybody. When somebody feels guilty and blames him- or herself and carries the destructive feeling of guilt in themselves, the universe simply responds to that.

While most people want to change either themselves or their life, it is not that they always follow up on this desire. One can write thousands of positive affirmations, but if they go out and keep being angry, frustrated, envious and feel offended by everything, i. e., keep thinking the same old way, nothing will change. We have to start with changing ourselves instead of waiting for the world and other people to change.

Just try to recall how you say: “Thanks, God!” when good things happen. We simply have to learn recognizing opportunities for improvement, and the universe will respond to our good goals and honest attempts.

When bad things or situations happen, we frequently would say ”How unfair this life is!” In fact, something we did or did not, something we convinced ourselves about, and the way we acted and thought in the past, which might be a very distant past, eventually led to this situation.

When we keep repeating how unfair and bad life is, how terrible, mean and disgusting other people are, how poor, sick and unlucky we are, the universe can’t help, it has to respond to your desperate calls.

There are no coincidences.

We have to start with believing that everything we experience is a lesson. We are here to learn. When we do not get the lesson, the situation can turn bad.

When we say, we want to change; we have to start with ourselves. Waiting for somebody else to change is simply silly. I will repeat: we attract people who enter our life. It does not mean they are always great or good people. To change that, we most likely will have to change our opinion, our attitude towards other people and disposition towards the outside world. We will have to change the way we think about other people.

We start with changing ourselves

We are literally a reflection of our deepest belief and our thoughts. There are also hidden thoughts which we never show to others. It does not matter whether you put your opinion out or not: if it is deeply rooted in you, there will be a response.

Simple example. When a women complains that all her dates have been nasty and rude men who had no good intentions, means that either based on family experience or somebody else’s experience, she believes deeply in her heart that all men are nasty, rude, cheaters and liars. The universe will provide her with such a person.

Other situation. Somebody is at your door trying to offer you something, sell you something or get you in a shady deal. What’s your response? It is very often: “We don’t need anything’. Just pay attention how it looks and sounds: we don’t need anything.  The universe listens and delivers.

There are people who will sometimes ask you to help out financially and then there are people who beg for money on the street. What is frequently the response? “I don’t have any money”. “Sorry, I cannot help you because I’ve got no money at all”. “We have no money at all”. Universe definitely listens to that and depending on how frequently you love to repeat that, sequences will set in. Wouldn’t it better to just say: ”No, I don’t think I should invest in this”; “I’m not interested in this purchase, in this deal, so on”. “We usually do not give any money to drunk or high people”, that way.

These are lessons. These are also opportunities for us to change the way we see and react to other people and our world.

We should learn from everything: good situations and bad situations. We should take into account reminders, signs and warnings. We should also pay attention to encouraging and go-ahead situations. Some things will always trigger the same bad response. Why not learn from that?

Being nice to other people is good and useful, even when it is “just in case” or “you never know”.

Being attentive and observant is even better.

All the bad situations mean that we have to change a lot: our attitude, our assumptions, maybe our intentions and we have to rely on and make our subconscious mind guide us. Bad situations show that we are doing something wrong. All good situations mean that we are on the right path. Both types of situations are normal and needed in order we would keep developing ourselves instead of stagnating.

Blaming leads to no results. Instead, we have to start looking for ways to improve what we have and ways to make our life more fulfilling.

We start with changing ourselves.

P. S. This post was written initially as a response to a comment.

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Has positive thinking made you rich, healthy and happy?

Or did you have to work hard and go through lots of struggles instead?

I believe, everybody has seen these and similar ads: eat whatever you want, don’t even exercise, and lose weight. Right. Just take our pill so that everything happens effortlessly.

Effortlessly is the keyword for everything. People who want to make money using these empty promises are quite successful.

Effortlessly achieving everything

Try our dating site and see how you find the right husband or wife right away, we do everything for you so that you just enjoy this person and are thankful for the rest of your life. To us.

Try our new outfit and see how effortlessly you get a new job because you make such a fantastic impression at the job interview.

Try our product and see how effortlessly you become the healthiest person ever, just one spoon a day, and you are like new and absolutely free of any digestive problems.

Use our cream and make your wrinkles and age spots disappear within one week. You will look just like her who’s undergone some 10 plastic surgeries and has daily beauty procedures in the most expensive clinic with the most expensive treatments.

Buy our book: positive thinking and positive attitude and see how your life improves within a few days. You are rich, healthy and happy. Problems disappear, and your mind is bright, focused, and sharp. Every day is a happy one, and nothing bad can happen to you. Effortlessly, just write down these sentences or repeat them in the morning and before you go to bed.

So, we could continue endlessly because all what one has to do is think positively and repeat affirmations and everything happens. They get the dream job or even better don’t have to work at all. I saw on Facebook, one had to share a picture with piles of banknotes and it said underneath: money flows to me effortlessly, and that was promised to become true. That sounds like a line from a criminal fairy tale. In reality, there is no such a thing as money flows to somebody effortlessly.

The next thing is usually health: repeat or write on a paper whatever times this positive affirmation and you will be surprised how no headache bothers you, you never get colds, heart burn, digestive disorders, anxiety, not to mention diabetes disappears, cancer resolves from itself and heart attack or insult will never threaten you. It’s very simple: just be positive and pain will completely go away. Depression will turn into uplifting energy. Broken bones will heal and age related dementia is just a joke which may affect people who are not positive enough.

In the same simple way one can change the relationship, make bad marriage good just being positive about it, get hundreds of new admirers and therefore have no problem with choosing a spouse.

Here it finally is: somebody has discovered the secret of success in any area of our life. They know it, and you don’t. You definitely have to learn about that.

That’s why positive thinking is attracting so many people. It is said it solves everything: from health problems to financial disasters and debts, from mental disorders to marriage solutions and personal improvement.

First of all, life is life, bad things happen to very nice and good people, too, and the biggest part of humans or almost everybody (whether they admit that or not) is UNHAPPY or UNSUCCESSFUL in some area of their life and time to time. Nobody can be absolutely happy every single second and anything we do can potentially have wrong or bad outcome, as well. ANYTHING.

Secondly, when things go wrong or health gives us hard times, most people often look for causes in themselves and in their own actions, and then they blame other people and life, government and afterwards their fate. Bad diagnosis is mind-blowing and devastating, and we are ready to do everything to cure ourselves. I know that because that is how I initially felt: completely lost, desperate and helpless. Because we all instinctively hope that nothing bad can happen to us personally. When such book about positive thinking comes along or happens to be in our sight, that’s like something minor to buy it, possibly read it and possibly try to be positive when we are absolutely desperate, in pain and suffering.

The huge number of terminally sick, badly sick and suffering people proves that this approach does not really work. If it was so simple: why are there so many sick people who suffer from incurable or partially curable diseases?  I am very sure many of them are aware of positive thinking and have tried it. We are actually overcoming our fear from the future not because we are positive we will survive, but because we find physical and mental strength to cope with such issues. That is called willpower and desire to live.

The huge number of homeless, starving and jobless people also proves that there is no real connection between being positive and having everything one needs: safe home, well-paying job and enough good nutritious food. I am very sure everybody has positive attitude and positive expectations when they go to apply for a job, when they try to save money for a house. Yet, positive thinking won’t prevent us from global financial crisis which can destroy all savings and put us out on a street. How bad is that because we are positive and people who have all the money are not? Right? Otherwise they’d just simply help us out.

Although, millions of people have tried the positive attitude challenge and still do, that hasn’t had any impact on the decrease of diseases, that has no impact on the global economy and that has no effect on each and every family’s wellbeing.

Lots of people live or at least try to live believing that everything is fine and if they feel something is wrong, they blame themselves for not being positive enough.

Positive, negative and neutral thinking are simply distinctive ways of perceiving the reality, therefore, there is no reason to put emphasises on one of them. It is obvious that we must have a positive outlook when initiating or doing something (otherwise: why to bother?), but this positivism has to be based on reality, and therefore realistically inclined optimism is much more valuable than plain positivism. We review our chances, we realistically evaluate our goals and odds, and we realistically approach every problem: what is there we can do? Realistic approach also includes a healthy criticism. Well, that might seem to be too much down to Earth, but I could list hundreds of examples when realistic optimism causes no disappointment, but overly positive expectations do, and that happens every time when there was absolutely no reason to hope for a good outcome.

Lots of people believe that they are entitled to everything, and to have this everything shouldn’t take them any efforts.

There is no scientifically proven correlation between positive thinking and better health, longer life, better income or better personal relationships. I could insert a long list of psychologists who proved how delusional positivism and obsession with seeing no downside in anything can have the adverse effect: from more severe depression and anxiety cases to people who got scammed out their life savings or got betrayed in other ways; but I will not insert this list because I want to describe my personal observations and experiences. However, if you google “the negative effects of positive thinking”, very many articles listing psychological research will come up. That means, positive thinking does not constitute “a cause and effect” correlation because people who are already healthy, people who have no financial problems or are naturally inclined to explain everything from the trust and belief position (are born as a psychologically easy-going type) will definitely be more positive and maybe even less cautious than people who struggle with pain, are terminally ill, have broken marriage, are having no job, no home, no satisfactory relationship, etc.

However, there is a strong scientifically proven correlation between willpower, personal integrity and perseverance and better health, better jobs resulting in better income and more successful relationships. Willpower is not the same as positive thinking. Willpower is neither positive, nor negative. It shows that the person has the strength to withstand whatever comes along. Willpower also allows to put through our intentions regardless of obstacles, and quite often that is all what matters.

Under the never-ending pressure to pretend and to show how positive and well we are, we do not want to admit any bad things anymore because that might be understood as a weakness, as a personal failure. We feel OBLIGATED to be positive and to show off our “everything is excellent” side. Nobody has cancelled troubles, diseases, disasters, failures, broken promises and broken hearts. That is LIFE. The bad sides of our life have to be assessed and dealt with accordingly: black doesn’t become white if we think so. We have to paint it white and do this with internal strength from the position of our personal belief and willpower, without pretending, without lying to ourselves.

When somebody is seriously sick, they need a treatment. If one has tooth ache, they have to go to the dentist. When husband is cheating or beating up the wife, we have to divorce him. When small kid is rude, we have to react to it. When our house is dirty we have to clean it: roll up the sleeves and do some stuff which is not really exciting or entertaining.

Talking and thinking does not always help or do the job. We have to act instead of expecting a miracle. It is dangerous to expect we will have everything we feel entitled to without putting any efforts into it. That refers to absolutely any area of our life: being fit and good-looking, having a great relationship or long-lasting marriage, having financial stability, good job and improved global climate.

Neither this world, nor life is perfect. Humans have imperfections, too. It is good to strive for self-improvement, but this is not done only by thinking and attitude. The attitude should be realistically optimistic, but the main part is a POSITIVE ACTION or action to implement all our positive intentions. It is not enough to think: I am beautiful, smart and healthy, while spending the entire time staring at phone or laptop screen on a coach and eating junk foods. Is it?

In my experience, positive thinking gives results only if it is based on assessment of reality and it is followed by an action in the right direction.  I am for realistic optimism.

Besides, one website offered free happiness training. Cool or what? Free. Free happiness for everybody. I told before, type in Dalai Lama’s quote about how man surprised him most because of not living neither in presence, nor future and dying as if he never lived, and this site will come up, but maybe don’t do that because Olga, a fellow blogger was embarrassed to receive messages every day, although, she didn’t sign up for anything on that site. This is just how terrible they are: you want a free happiness and they make you suffer for that.

To be continued about self-admiration and the distorted understanding of truth.

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