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My mom loved flowers so much

My mom loved flowers

I have to write this small last chapter to conclude the story which hit me hard on February 22.

As I mentioned in my art blog, I have accepted the inevitable.

I had very strong hopes still all last week, unfortunately not everything happens as we expect.

I am flying to Europe and after Thursday I would love to start living in the present and look forward to the future.

It will have a lot of wonderful memories, and each picture tells a story.

It will be difficult at first, but that is what life is about: we have to eventually move on.

I am not somebody who wants to wave the flag of pain and sadness for the rest of my days. I believe we can immerse ourselves in a great future regardless of suffering and pain in the past and learn a lot from it.

This post feels almost like keeping some unspoken promise. The story ends, but the legacy left to me lives on.

My mom’s life consisted of hard work for the most part. She was never having any vacations, and the only trip she ever took was in 2010 to Canada where she spent a month with us.

She went through the Second World War, and as her mother passed away in the result of an accident, mom had to take care about her twin siblings. They were 4 and she was 13. The house they were living in 1943 got hit by a bomb and they, too, rushed out of town and towards the Northern part of Latvia where there was still chance to survive without being hit by a stray bullet.

There was starving and fighting for life, and there was complete insecurity, and she was just a teen, a kid actually, but she managed.

Russians took over Latvia after the WWII, and that’s when a new battle began for my mom. Her dad and the older brother had been among the Latvian nationalist fighters, and the oldest brother had studied to become a priest. With such relatives, one couldn’t hope to get a good job or opportunity to settle down.

Still, my mom worked at nursery school and sang a lot. She had a wonderful strong voice and she was very welcome to join the choir and performed at different gatherings.

My dad returned from Siberia and GULAG in 1956. He met my mom and they got married in 1957. It was big love, honest and great relationship which provided with a family model me and my sister. They lived in a happy marriage for 48 years until my dad’s passing in 2005. Unbelievable, they reached almost the golden anniversary!  I believe my mom was never quite as happy after the shock and pain following dad’s passing.

My mom was a wonderful fashion designer, and I learned sewing very early just watching her. She had a very vivid and bright imagination and turned her ideas into adorable dresses, suits, coats, blouses and so on.

She never had just one job, she always worked for private clients at home, too, and afterwards in the garden up to the moment when it was so dark outside that one couldn’t see clearly.

Music and flowers were always her big excitements. She sang and listened to others. She had exclusive taste when it came to interior decorating, personal style and personal image. I guess, I got that from her.

She was extremely organized and neat and I have inherited that also.

88 years is quite a stretch of time. So much has happened and so much has changed.

Her life could have been longer. The care she received at hospital was delayed, negligent and, as the final test showed, the treatment was wrong. Well, it’s too late to figure out what if.

Mom was very much loved and deeply respected.

May this small picture gallery serve as my input in celebrating her gorgeous life!

Please, no more sorry messages, although I am aware that is what one wants to do to show their respect. There is a special post on my Facebook profile where one can leave such messages, link at the bottom.

However, I would really appreciate comments about purpose and meaning of life, power of creativity and importance of art if you have ever been thinking about these matters.

I am looking forward to a day without pain and sadness. It is the 4th day without my mom. I have come to accept the inevitable outcome.

The main thing is: she was a wonderful mom who taught so much of life skill to children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She left a very meaningful legacy for us to follow.

Most people do not read any posts, but if you wish to send me some good vibes, please head over to Facebook and leave a message: My Facebook profile, scroll down

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36 Comments Post a comment
  1. I just started back blogging, so I just saw this.
    Your mother had a lot of strength, and a clear love of beauty. It definitely shines on through you!
    Hugs and prayers~

    Liked by 1 person

    February 26, 2019
    • Thanks Robbie! The last week was one of the toughest ever. It was almost too much to take.
      It’s the first day when I feel I am able to look at these posts. I hadn’t slept for a week, and it was all kinds of crazy emotions just coming over me.
      I’m on recovery path.

      Liked by 1 person

      March 4, 2019
      • Oh, Inese. I am so sorry. I know it is so hard to feel, and yet the feelings are also so very raw and pinging everywhere.
        Please continue to get as much rest as you can.
        Hugs, my friend.

        Liked by 1 person

        March 4, 2019
      • I think everything will be easier now. It will only take some time.
        I feel I will start to maybe sleep more normal. It takes a lot of thinking and getting over things that will never happen again.
        I also believe I’ve come to accept this.

        Liked by 1 person

        March 4, 2019
      • I understand.
        I lost my Mom, Dad and baby Brother. It takes time. I still, even after 4 years, go to pick up the phone to call my brother.
        The emptiness never goes away, but the shock begins to abate some over time.

        Liked by 2 people

        March 4, 2019
      • That’s right: it leaves unfillable emptiness. We keep going on and we should do it considering that sould, spirit and things we create and not consume make all difference. Thanks, Robbie! It’s past midnight where I am, so, time to try some snooze. I do some reading, too. I couldn’t read anything at first, thoughts just wandered off, but I can read a few pages now.

        Liked by 2 people

        March 4, 2019
      • Good night. Rest.

        Liked by 2 people

        March 4, 2019
      • Thanks! I will try.

        Liked by 2 people

        March 4, 2019
  2. ilonapulianauskaite #

    ❤️I was born in Lithuania, where you from, Latvia? I’m so so so sorry, for your lost…

    Liked by 2 people

    February 28, 2019
  3. I am not sure what the purpose of life is, or what is life for that matter, other than that we are all here in some form or another. Art, music and creativity in general are all part of my experience of enjoying the time on this Earth, in this Universe.

    Liked by 1 person

    March 1, 2019
    • Thanks Lavinia! I simply wanted to hear something other which wasn’t how sorry people felt. The last week was one of the most difficult ones in my life. I went through such a cascade emotions! I’m not 100% ok yet, but, since mom’s life has ended and the only hope is for her soul to find the God which she loved endlessly, I am better now and calmer, too. It was impossible to accept at first.
      I’m looking forward at a new chapter in my life. Currently, everything is still so tightly bound to memories.
      I hadn’t slept for almost a week, and I am trying to catch up on sleep.
      I’m getting ready to start over once again. With a new and different outlook.

      Like

      March 4, 2019
  4. theburningheart #

    Love the way you described your Mom, that’s a great homage, and always a threshold we go through, as to when as our older relatives pass away.
    We, just go on living hopefully with the great memories, and lessons we got from those loved ones who departed.

    Best Wishes.

    Like

    March 4, 2019
    • Thanks so much!
      It was one of the hardest weeks I have ever lived through.
      This is the first day I am ok enough to respond to messages and everything else.
      I hadn’t slept for a week and I was unable to do anything. My mom meant a world to me, maybe even more if there is anything more.
      I am now trying to switch attention and thoughts and lots of other things.
      All of a sudden, I feel I’ve lost so much that words cannot describe it.

      Liked by 1 person

      March 4, 2019
  5. theburningheart #

    It’s only natural, when our parents are gone, a whole World is lost forever…
    Take comfort on the memories of the love you shared.

    Liked by 1 person

    March 4, 2019
    • I know it is natural, yet, this time it is my parent whom I loved very deeply.
      I don’t want to stay in sadness, I’m moving on which is kin of tough. I still find it almost impossible to sleep in a normal way. Maybe it’s still jet lag, too.
      I don’t think one can ever understand some certain things until they reach certain age and state of mind. And that is what is difficult to take.

      Liked by 2 people

      March 4, 2019
      • theburningheart #

        Yes, it’s very hard, I would say, that the older you get, the more you remember them, at least that is my case.

        Liked by 2 people

        March 4, 2019
      • It’s the same with me. I start to think I did not understand my mom or even know her when I was younger, up to 40 or so, yet, it seemed I did.

        Liked by 2 people

        March 4, 2019
      • theburningheart #

        When we are young we are too busy with our own Universe to pay too much attention to anything else that does not relate to us directly, I am afraid.

        I wrote something about my Mother some years after she passed away, it’s on my blog, but would not bother you with it, at the moment when you are with a raw wound of your own.

        But the penny drops when we get older.

        Liked by 2 people

        March 4, 2019
      • I completely agree: there is so often something very important and we do not spend as much time as we should together with people who actually won’t be around forever. It feels sometimes they will, though. Only last 10 years, I have religiously spent a month with mom, practically doing nothing much else, that’s why I went to Latvia every year. I have to be thankful for Facebook Messenger, Skype back then and facetime, they all allowed seeing each other when I was in Canada.
        I will check out your post some day, just leave me a link to that post. Most likely, I won’t do that very soon yet.
        Thanks so much, it feels a bit better.

        Liked by 2 people

        March 4, 2019
      • theburningheart #

        I guess we grow up and we are destined to fly out of the nest, and with the freedom of new wings, come ten thousand reasons to be neglectful of our filial bonds, to our shame, and regret later in life.

        Here it’s the post:

        https://konekrusoskronos.wordpress.com/2010/05/23/my-old-house-geography-of-the-soul/

        Liked by 2 people

        March 5, 2019
      • That might be true for some people. I wouldn’t say I ever neglected my parents. The parent-children relationships are also different over there compared to North America. Latvia is a small place, and we lived for many years very close by seeing each other daily and then weekly when I lived in the capital city. Since I relocated to Canada in 2004, that became 1 month a year. I did care a lot and I stayed in touch as much as possible thanks to video calls.
        I mean, while we were a very close family and we are still now, as well, there is something I simply didn’ t get at young age and even in middle age. The perception is different, and all opinions are different.
        People of that generation in Latvia did not have it easy: war, post-war, then Russian occupation for 50 years, then government and currency changes numerous times, it was tough. When I am seeing how people in Canada work maybe 10 times less, have vacations and call themselves very exhausted with simple tasks and not that heavy work, I have to compare unintentionally. I wish my parents have had more of life, more of things they loved to do instead of just work, work and work.
        Even I myself, when I came to Canada, I was unable to understand at first how was that possible: to dine for hours, to just simply sit around and to do nothing which I couldn’t and I still don’t. That is probably why I get done so much.
        In my younger years, I got for reading and art only the late night hours, I practically slept 3 hours a night when I was at high school and studying at university. I know it’s not good, but life is too short to simply do nothing.
        I felt sorry for the horrible mistreatment at the Latvian hospital, the negligence, the ignorance, the total lack of any care. I don’t want to get into detail, but that wasn’t any treatment. That hurts me most, that person who is not well deserves better. I regretted being so far and unable to affect any outcome.
        Other than that, I think we mature only late in life, and that is regardless of any skills one has accumulated in schools, universities and colleges.

        Liked by 2 people

        March 6, 2019
      • theburningheart #

        As the saying goes:

        ‘With Age Comes Wisdom.’

        But do not blame yourself, it’s only natural to see what could we have done better, but for whatever reasons, we didn’t, you were a good daughter who unfortunately lived on the other side of the Ocean, and we do not have control over life.
        But on the contrary, events in life control us.

        Grieve it’s only natural, after such loss, but be kind to yourself.

        Blessings, Inese.

        Liked by 2 people

        March 6, 2019
      • Thanks, that’s exactly it: wisdom comes with age. I never blamed myself, and I rarely blame anything if ever. I definitely do not blame circumstances or the fact that I lived far. You can be sure, blaming is not for me. I wrote an article ” Blaming game” , didn’ t have chance to publish. People use blaming as a crutch and do not take responsibility. I do take responsibility, therefore, there is nobody to blame, not even me. That is a futile reaction to things.
        However, the health care is absolutely no care over there, they do nothing about older people, bring in on ambulance and leave there. No stroke treatment was initiated for practically 3 days, after that i/v saline was given with some blood thinner, but that was way too late. My mom was no exception. They discharge people once it has been 10 days regardless of condition. Diagnose bad stuff and kick out. There have been recently even worse tragedies due to hospital doing nothing and just putting people outside their doors. They pass away because nobody could pick them up that swiftly. It sounds terrible and it is. Nobody is interested, hospitals are crowded, most of them were shut down. That type of thing. TV showed how they refused help to even kids in life-threatening condition because their status or papers were not right.
        Just a small note: things happen, but they do not control us, we must stay in charge with choices we make while we are alive.
        Thanks again!

        Liked by 2 people

        March 6, 2019
      • theburningheart #

        Looks like in Latvia health care it’s terrible, unfortunately not the only place where such things happen.

        If you mean:
        ¨You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength. ¨
        Marcus Aurelius

        “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”
        Epictetus

        Absolutely I agree.

        Liked by 1 person

        March 6, 2019
      • Yes, it seems so. They have all kinds of regulations that prevent from helping people. It’s absurd. I lived with impressions I got 30 years ago when they totally saved my life. I also happened to have the best Latvian trauma surgeon at that time, he’s become very famous, and is Professor Med now. It seems the average care if we can call it so is very low quality.
        I do not think that meticulously about each moment. I simply live by my own rules and I find that blaming is pointless.
        As is being regretful, hence, these emotions change nothing.
        I like how analytic mind coexists with very sensitive nature, but I stay away from analyzing every step along the way.
        I think lots of harm arise from starting to analyze every single thought and word and move.
        How we react is right, but we can switch from react to respond or not.
        I do not ever pretend and ever paint everything in rosy colors (in my art I actually love that) and being realistic saves me from emotional devastation and crushing experiences. I’m very human, very sensitive, but with huge self-restorative power. That comes from having spine and always returning to upright, straight position. We must love ourselves and always go on with confidence and self-respect.
        Whining for years hasn’t helped anybody. Never dwelling on the past is great, too. Not on good times, not on bad ones.

        Liked by 1 person

        March 7, 2019
      • theburningheart #

        You got the right attitude Inese.

        Liked by 2 people

        March 7, 2019
      • Thanks! I know you have, too. There is some advantage when having quite a life experience.

        Liked by 1 person

        March 7, 2019
  6. Dear Inese, I understand now where you inherited some of your creativity and love of beauty from. Your mom was a wonderful example and teacher to you.
    Hugs ~ Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

    March 5, 2019
  7. From your mother to you and from you to the world, love of beauty and a creative spirit thread through this universe as another link in the never-ending chain of wonder.

    Liked by 2 people

    March 7, 2019
  8. Thank you for sharing. These flowers are beautiful and must be a clear depiction of your mom. I grew my first rose plant today. Nothing extravagant… “first grade certified” rose from Sams club. God bless!

    Liked by 2 people

    March 29, 2019
    • Congratulations on your first rose! It will grow and bloom to make you happy.
      My mom was a gardener with a capital “G”. This post and flowers were to honor her. Unfortunately, this spring won’t see her out in the garden.
      I have found peace and I am moving on with my life.

      Like

      March 29, 2019

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