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Posts from the ‘life’ Category

Importance of accepting errors and moving on

Universe does not call them errors

For universal mind and for that matter, for universe, there is no such a thing as error. It is what you do or don’t do, what you have put in motion, what you desire or do not want and who you meet or never get in touch with, although you should have. Every action and every word cause small ripples in the universal space and, thus, trigger the next events, they could be even impossible to observe, or they could be global. It really does not matter. We usually are how we see ourselves because we act in accordance to that and our thoughts are our own reflection.

The deeply implanted fear of making a mistake

From early childhood on, we are told not to make any mistakes, not to act in a way that would be viewed by others as erroneous. The fear of not making a mistake or causing an error is deeply implanted in our conscious mind. In fact, that is the way we learn. We make a mistake and we do not repeat it the next time. That would be if we consciously try to better ourselves. Many times, we won’t start doing something because of fear getting it done wrong, because we are so scarred of making a mistake even with simple things. However, taking risks cannot be avoided even when they result in an error.

Errors come in wide range

Whether we can accept the past errors and move on or not, will greatly depend on what we define as a mistake or error. Was it a ruined dinner, missed deadline, damaged relationship? We cannot generalize any failures or mistakes because somebody will refer to them as their daily small-task-execution failures and some other person will mean an event that turned their life upside down and caused an avalanche of sequences. Errors range from just a small error, like when writing a text or doing a test to fatal errors with very disastrous sequences.

Leaving past in the past

Regardless the error and mistake, we have to leave what happened in the past. That is tough, but we can manage. Never feeling as a victim helps. Taking responsibility for what one has done helps also. Forgiving oneself for the intentional or unintentional actions, is the absolutely best we can do. You cannot go back and straighten out things from today’s’ perspective; therefore, we deal with sequences and live on.

Regrets lead to depression

This is our only life. Letting some mistakes and failures eat us up from the inside is a terrible thing. Deep regrets are even worse. Some people like talking about their mistakes, and some do not. The counselling usually focuses on talking and doing assessments with help of person’s disclosure and observation. Does it always help? Apparently not because we have numerous people who are dwelling on their past wrongdoings and who get more and more depressed every day.

We should learn, but do we?

We could find ourselves in the same situation again and again if we do not learn from our previous experience.  It is usually suggested that you change your behavior, get rid of bad habits and avoid things that trigger you making the same errors again. Here is how Universe sees it. Everything happens according to you. The sequence of events and people you meet literally depend on you. We get what we wish for, and the events in our life are what create and shape our future.

Keeping worries at bay

Small example: people, who see themselves as victims, sooner or later become victims again. If you are constantly worried about something and definitely do want that to happen, it will. It will happen because you are preoccupied with that. It repeats in different scenarios and runs as a movie on the back of your mind. Not getting sick does not mean taking flu epidemic lightly, for instance. Normal precautions, observing personal hygiene and using decent nutrition and exercising is fine. However, being afraid of flue and obsessed with it all the time will bring it on.

No enemies, but people who teach us

Seeing everybody as enemy will certainly put you in a situation where you meet them face to face. Therefore, we do not identify ourselves with diseases, disasters, troubles and problems. We deal with them, but we do not have to make these unfortunate things the only content of our life. Nobody is their disease or condition, nobody is their damaged past or their errors. That is why it is important to become free: to free our mind and make space for something better. Learning from the past allows us to develop ourselves, refusing to learn causes stagnation.

Universe does not call them errors

The plan of universe for you

Universe wants you to learn and become a better person, friend, parent, employee, boss, manager, teacher, student, kid and so on. However, it is always as you wish. It will always be actually on your terms whatever they are. Bad habits come from wrong assumptions and decisions. We are most often aware of what is bad and what is not, but we just refuse to take responsibility, see the true situation for what it is.

Stepping on the same rake

Stepping on the same rake again and again is a very common thing. It happens as long as we won’t change not our behavior and reactions, but the way we see the world around us and our place in it. That means changing our thinking at all levels, down to the most hidden thoughts we might have. It is also very common that people would do anything not to face truth and the true circumstances. We shouldn’t say we are fine when we are absolutely not. Our subconscious mind remembers more than we are aware of, therefore, we can prevent future mistakes if we listen to our physical body, to our conscious emotions and to the gut feeling. However, the most important thing is to take everything as a learning experience, pay attention and move on to a better outcome.

How to get ahead with your life: encouraging and warning signs

Can you change events which happen in your life?

Yes, you can if you are observant and if you pay attention to directions and hints universe sends us and makes us aware of.

You could prevent a situation which potentially could cause you stress and trouble.

As I mentioned before, what happens with us and our life is the result of our belief, emotions and things we are confident with. That also includes everything we are strongly convinced about. We come from different internal states: from anger or joy, from hate or love, from grief or satisfaction, from envy or feeling-well. The dominant emotions and beliefs quit frequently will dictate your way of action.

The surrounding world reflects us

The surrounding world is our world which we have created together with other people, nature, other constituents of universe and God. The world in our direct vicinity reflects us, just as we are, what we think and what we believe in. This also refers to things we do not believe in, we do not assume as worthy or true and we do not think about.

Not knowing that something exists doesn’t make it non-existent. Therefore, if you are not aware of the importance your subconscious mind has, it doesn’t mean, the subconscious mind loses its role in decision making and preferences.

Universe wishes us well

The world, God and universe wish us well. The only person, who can punish us, is we ourselves. It’s not fate; it’s not God and definitely not the universal mind and the universe itself. Help is always within a reach. Whether we get it or refuse to take it, depends on us. That also depends on the part we have assigned to us: do we choose to be a victim of circumstances, bad luck and other people or do we choose to step in and start doing something to change the flow?

Signs we receive

We receive encouragement and warnings on a daily and even hourly basis. Do we pay attention to them? Do we even know what to pay attention to? It’s most likely we do not. When somebody is addicted to scrolling through numerous stories and pictures, they lose the understanding of what matters and what doesn’t. Rushing from one place to another and one task to another doesn’t allow taking distance from events. It becomes a flow of events and situations that can be so overwhelming that we lose ourselves in this flow. We basically get where we are taken, and that isn’t always the place we intended to be.

Encouraging signs

What are the signs that notify us about events in our life? There are many and all kinds of them. They could be categorized from very distant and approximate to very close and direct.

When somebody close to us or somebody at our workplace is doing well or getting promotion, we should be happy about it because that means good things are in the way for us also.

How do you react when your colleague gets promoted, but you do not yet? Is your pleasure genuine or you rather bite your teeth and hardly congratulate? Is there a shadow of envy in your eyes or are you proud about him or her? The reaction might change the flow of future events. Universe might get that you are not happy with that, and that means it is either not important for you or you do not want that.

When somebody around you is doing great, that means you are also on the right path, and being happy about their success will attract luck and good outcome for you also.

Destructive emotions

If you are envious and feel frustrated that your success did not happen, you just push it farther away. Grudge and envy, especially, if they are present frequently, destroy a person from inside. Internet facilitates feeling that we are not doing fine by putting in our face all the achievements the humanity has managed to accomplish while you just slept for the last 7 or 8 hours. We cannot go down that path. Our way is what we have chosen and we have to stick with our personal plan.

Warning signs

There are also numerous warning signs. They come in all shapes and through all kinds of means. Many people see dreams and these dreams sometimes are very bright and impossible to forget. Nightmares do not fit in this category because they are caused by some interactions in the brain of rather chemical or mental origin.

There are warnings delivered by situations and people we meet. Every person we have met has been placed there for a reason: to make us understand something, to make us change our mind and similarly.

Trusting our guts or subconscious mind

When we are facing some bad issues and terrible outcomes, it is often that we knew this is going to happen. We just silence the internal warning system or shut it off completely by alcohol, strong medications or drugs. It is so that you know clearly something is on its way, but you do not dare to believe that. We sometimes get a change to change the chain of these events, but sometimes it is too late.

Do we have to break the wall with our forehead?

No, we shouldn’t because there is a door not far away. We might not notice it yet, but sooner or later we will. If we have a problem, that means, we have to take some steps and change our behavior, the way we assume others and our tasks, or we might need a whole new strategy and approach. Things not happening right indicate that something is wrong not with us, but with our goals, intentions and the methods we have decided to use for pursuing them.

Do not miss warning signs

Post Scriptum

I had taken a longer break from blogging because I had to straighten out house after moving, plus, all art classes started and that is a big undertaking with sorting out hundreds of packs of materials and almost 1,700 of my own paintings, small and big. There was a need to re-arrange and find new desks and other furniture, set up classrooms and showing rooms, deal with garden and plants which have to come indoors and the daily chores. I hope I will be posting more regularly as the weather gets cooler and I will have more time.

 

Love yourself passionately: how and why

You are manager and boss of your life

In my previous universe and subconscious mind related articles, I reviewed how seriously universe takes you. If you are not yet a responsible manager of your own life, you have to change things around so that you decide what happens to you, not anybody or anything else.

Who or what runs your life

You have to become the one who creates the life you want to live by not allowing to be pushed around or told what not to do. Just floating with the stream also takes you nowhere or it takes you where the stream goes which might be a place where you do not want to be.

Difficult times should not stop us

This is fast-paced and complex time we live in. Pressure from social media, requirements from workplace, family necessities and the need to prove the society that you are a worthy and valuable person, obligation to compete and establish your presence can take one’s true identity swiftly away and dilute your personal goals and intentions.

Somebody told me how the life felt so immense and infinite to her in the age before the internet. There was definitely much larger personal space, there was much less need to show off or demonstrate one’s greatness. There was absolutely no need to invent your online personality just to be in line with everybody else and not to look bad.

Satisfaction with life

Loving ourselves is a huge part of a good and satisfactory life. There is also a tight association between satisfaction with life and loving yourself. We are the source of our own happiness, genuine pleasure and well-being. The only true harmony must also come from within us. It is pointless to look for it in diets or entertainment. In order to be satisfied with your life and the way things happen, you must start with loving yourself, honestly, truly and passionately.

Most people try really hard to be an excellent student, flawless employee, perfect wife and mother, as well as good child to their parents. They end up perfecting and developing their skills to exhaustion and try to do everything for their children, take care of older parents and become a superb wife or husband that always supports her spouse to achieve their life goals.

Put yourself first

The only social role which is quite frequently neglected is our own personality.

It is understandable how one wants to please everybody in order other people would say they are helpful, kind and good people to be around.

We have to put ourselves first actually. While pleasing others and taking care of everybody else’s needs, we do not live our own life. We start to depend on other peoples’ judgement and opinions. In that case, our well-being completely depends on what the others said, thought and how they viewed our actions or us.

What does it really mean to love yourself?

It first of all means to realize who you are. That means to become conscious of your own desires, goals and intentions. That means to be aware of your qualities and bad traits of character and still respect and love yourself for who you are and how you are. That also includes self-care and doing no harm to oneself.

Being selfish or loving yourself

There is a thin line between selfishness, extreme selfishness and loving oneself. We have to always focus on the golden middle. Your common sense should guide you and tell where a total selfishness starts and where you just say “no” to make your own life more pleasurable and satisfactory.

The less you love yourself, the more often you will come to conclusion that you must be fine with what you have and you are not entitled to strive for more. Quite frequently that also involves neglecting your talents, skills and abilities, because why to bother?

Our only life: here and now

In our current shape, we have only this one life. We do not know if, when and how we might live again. Therefore, we have to live consciously our own life without being a patch to others needs and goals. Gradually, we learn saying “no” to invitations, requests and demands. We guard our inner space and we do not allow anybody to deplete our energy. That means choosing between activities, deciding on entertainment and even more so on work tasks and different duties.

Problematic matters

If you clearly know that you have to do a lot in order to genuinely love yourself which is not the same as publishing exciting stories about your success or selfies where you look the best on social media sites, you should at first identify the areas which require some change.

Most people will identify only physically visible things (too obese, too thin, too old, too many wrinkles, bad hair and so on), but we have to think about the mental part of us also. The satisfaction with life is born in our brain. Our brain and our head manage everything, and dissatisfaction with life causes neuroses, depression, anxiety, nervousness, insomnia, tiredness, lethargy and mood swings which sooner or later manifest as physical damage to our physical body.

Loving yourself results in happiness

The happy people usually take good care about themselves. They normally love themselves also: with all they have physically and mentally. That does not mean only loving yourself when you are in a perfect shape, look great and life is kind to you. That means loving your wrinkles, your not-that-perfect body, loving you when you are sick and when crying, too. Your current body is all you have for this life, so love it! That also means loving yourself early in the morning and after a long workday. That means understanding why you feel the way you feel and figuring out how to change the annoying or upsetting matters.

Steps to self-care and loving yourself:

identify what you adore, love about yourself and are pleased with, don’t stop at only physical look, work, skills or relationships;

identify what areas need improvement and include all areas of life, as well as physical body, mental state and any conditions that bother you;

learn making decisions about what you need and what you absolutely do not, prioritize;

make a list of things you want to do, what you desire, what is necessary in order you (nobody else) would feel better, good and satisfied with your life;

implement and focus on purposeful actions: new hobby, new skills, attending courses, getting education, engaging in sports, spending time outdoors, doing physical exercise, changing eating habits, giving up bad habits, learning new things, creating garden, attending hairdressers or spa, massage, cosmetic or beauty treatments, changing home interior and so on.

The goal: pleasure and satisfaction with yourself and life

The goal is to experience pleasure and satisfaction with yourself (what you have achieved) and be happy with changes.

Thinking less of yourself causes numerous diseases and health problems, therefore: love yourself genuinely and honestly and from the bottom of your heart so that the soul can sing!

Next time more.

Midsummer, Latvian style

Latvia celebrates Midsummer or in Latvian “Līgo”. It is a difficult to translate word because it is way more than “sway” or something like that.

It is an ancient tradition, with traditional foods, traditional beer as drink and wreath. Men wear oak leaf wreath, especially these ones whose name is “Jānis”. We could refer to this name as John probably in English. Women, girls and older ladies wear a flower wreath. Options are endless, but there is definitely an attempt noticeable to compete for the most beautiful wreath. The wreath is supposed to also make the lady who wears it looking great, attractive and beautiful. Midsummer night calls for making love and finding your match. The ferns are said to blossom with golden blooms at midnight tonight, and whoever finds that bloom, has found a never ending love. So, it’s said, couples go bloom chasing in the middle of night and pretty much in the forest. Where else are you going to find a ferns blossoming?

My options in Canada are way fewer.

I used to make my own caraway seed cheese and hoped it would be like the Latvian. Cabnadian milk is not real milk, so it was tough, but taste was quite fine.

This year and today, I am moving. We have been moving things for quite a while, but we hope to finalize the move today.

Midsummer

Not much celebration today, but it will be nice afterwards.

I won’t also have internet until it gets re-connected at the new place. I will catch up with everything some time next week.

Midsummer

Have a great summer!

What it takes to switch from victim to creator of your life

Everybody would agree that they are a part of any situation in their life.

You got married because it was what you wanted, you took a job whether you liked it or it was necessity, you got yourself addicted whether that was your own idea or somebody helped you onto the path of addiction. You stayed in the same town for 50 years because you either felt scared of moving or getting into better life. You got sick because of your habits. You got into accident because the chain of events placed you in a wrong place at a wrong time.

Victim of life

If you are a victim, everything acts against you; you receive no fair treatment from world, weird and bad people come along, somebody steals from you, somebody offends or bullies you frequently and health is in hands of your doctors and the only help comes from procedures and medications. You desperately want to be happy and rich and possibly famous, and definitely healthy, and for some unknown reason, the universe is against it. It disagrees.

Everything that happens to us happens because of us. We become the subject.

We are always involved in things we want or do not want to happen in our life.

But how to become the one who orchestrates and manages situations and events which is our life?

How to make it depend on us, not somebody or something else?

We have created our life and we keep doing so

Many people will completely disagree that they have created every single situation and event in their life. It is because the conscious mind will quickly supply us with numerous examples which put us as a victim in one or another situation. The conscious mind will promptly give numerous excuses and opportunities to blame something or somebody why one or another thing happened or did not happen to you.

The famous saying about things you cannot change and things you can:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Well, that is a true guide into giving up and allowing somebody or something to victimize you, to run your life and to turn you into a victim.

To put you in a stream of events where you swirl around like a dry fallen leaf.

Things you cannot change, what are they?

What is that you cannot change? Time you are given for your conscious life. The place, time and family you are born in.

You cannot bring back to life people who are gone, but you can change the way you experience that. Change that 100%.

Practically everything else is a variable.

The subconscious mind knows that.

Why don’t we have access to the part of us which is so crucially important? To the subconscious mind which has access to the universal knowledge of everything in the universe and beyond because it has existed always and it does not expand or shrink, but it keeps gathering and exchanging energetically loaded information.

The lost key and how to open the door

The knowledge is there, the door is locked and we have lost the key.

Most people never think about their subconscious mind and don’t even try to open it because they don’t believe in it. If we do not believe in something, it still exists. Just as things we haven’t seen, haven’t heard about or are not aware of. They all exist somewhere and at some point in time.

We can gain access to our subconscious mind after fasting whether we do that intentionally or not when a person starts seeing, hearing or feeling things which do not exist in the visible word and cannot be perceived with our conscious mind. Quite many people report how they became aware of past and future events, as well as could give information about people they never were familiar with.

After fasting or starving some people started seeing global events and predicting future.

The door to the hidden resources can be opened by a massive or extremely strong physical or mental impact: which can literally be a lightning hitting somebody and after that experience they are resuscitated. Such experience removes all layers that hide our understanding about everything: universe, past, other dimensions, current situations and future, and the way we try to feel about and perceive us and our life.

Take the opportunity

You are not a dry mindless leaf in a stream of events taking you down waterfalls, throwing out on dry fruitless sand or freezing in an ice cube.

You have all the resources of the universe at your hand and the universal mind gives you what you have prepared yourself for. It also gives us the right situations to pursue our goals. The only thing is: do we want to do that?

Lupus in fabula

I am sure that most people know what “lupus in fabula” in Latin means. I have seen that English rephrases it as “Speak of the devil or talk of the devil”. My native Latvian language has a very close translation to Latin which is widely used also “If you mention the wolf, it will show up”. It is not always referred to as something bad or evil. It can be as talking about a particular person and that person shows up or in the widest sense of meaning” it is understood as “whatever you talk (or think) about will happen, come along or be received”.

That is a very close explanation of subconsciously managing events or situations in our life.

We frequently speak or think about bad things with the aim they would never happen to us and we could avoid them.

We bother a lot about lack of something, especially money, or we describe ourselves in a condemning way as dumb, stupid, loser, idiot, fat, ugly, fool and so on. Let’s just say, we cannot do that unless we strictly believe we are the way we have described ourselves.

Bad things we call for

Thinking about tiredness, lack of energy, feeling or being sick, exhausted and even more so when declaring this fact very many times a day makes it a statement under which you become what you declare.

I am so tired.

I am so sick.

I am helpless.

Whenever you make it sound like your most important statement, you are literally talking about the Devil which will show up and not leave. You have convinced yourself that you want to follow the program: I am so tired, so sick, so helpless and exhausted. Day after day, after day.

Will just plainly saying or thinking about things you are not convinced about and believing in make them happen? No. But it might a tiny step to better vibrations you emit, therefore, attracting the situation you want to find yourself in.

It is done unto you as you believe

Most people who are familiar with Bible and its interpretations have repeated numerous times and been aware of words in Matthew 9:29 – It is done unto you as you believe.

We are not talking about the Bible or belief and faith this time.

I would like to simply point out that this approach has been known probably ever since humans existed.

If you completely and without any smallest doubt believe in something or if you are convinced down to the bottom of your heart about something, it will happen and become reality.

Do you believe that you are the boss of your life?

Do you believe that the Universe puts you every time in the best scenario that it can put together for you based on your actions, words, thoughts and belief?

Do you believe and are sure that you can change absolutely everything?

Do you believe that it is you who runs and manages your life? That there are no things which happen to you without your participation and without you being the conductor of all events in your life orchestra?

Once you become aware and start fully realizing that this life of us is what we create together with the universe, God, other people and nature for us, you will see that changes are possible.

The things you thought you could not change might disappear without your direct action, but you will notice them go away.

Switch from victim to boss

The only thing is that you have to make an insane switch.

You have to forget about things that you cannot change.

You have to put the focus on being the boss, creator and manager of your own life.

You go from: I cannot do anything about numerous situations and things in my life, to

I can create everything and steer it towards my goals and I can move mountains if they are in the way.

So, you can be a victim of unfair treatment, bad attitude, lack of many things and bad coincidences or you can switch to being 100% in charge of your life.

By doing so, you have to forget that somebody or something else is to blame for things that you didn’t want to happen to you.

It is all you: who you attract, who you meet, where you go from there and what it results in.

It depends only on you whether you sail through bad situation or get stuck in it.

We have created every single situation in our life.

We have led us to the point where we are.

We are usually not aware of that, and it might take time to see how the chain of events was put together. It is also so that our own life does not always start with the day we are born.

I have intended to explain about signals and vibrations we send out and how that attracts and places people in our life in some of next posts.

Who and what runs your life: the matter of responsibility

Who or what really runs your life?

Is it parents, children or spouse?

Is it disease or health problems?

Could it be an addiction or dependence?

Maybe, it is your phone and social media site that keeps you in a tight grip?

Reasons for being not in charge of our own life can be many and various.

We usually think that we are in control of our own life.

We should be.

However, when we look at problems that majority of people share, ask about and try to fix, we can clearly see that this is not the case.

We frequently see ourselves as a victim of circumstances or fate, as a sufferer, a guilty or offended person who has a reason to believe that life and world treat them unfairly.

We frequently start identifying ourselves with the disease or health condition that takes over every single day of our life and our plans, goals and start to depend on that.

We sometimes cannot break free from a controlling parent, and very often that is a controlling mother. There are parents who believe children belong to them as a property and, therefore, are for ever obligated to return the good things parents have done while kids were growing up.

There are extremely many distorted spousal relationships that cause not only mental and physical suffering, but make one’s life unlivable.

Internet is addictive, so are devices which enable using the internet. When somebody claims they have no time for anything, do you really believe that with all household help we get nowadays, with everything getting faster and speedier, chores and duties take much longer than they used to?

Big part of our valuable time is wasted. Thanks to addiction to internet.

Abuse can be hidden, as well, and it can take long time to identify it, however, identifying abuse is much easier than resisting a person who manipulates with you by being kind and nice, but always making you feel guilty about something. You have forgotten to do something, you have not visited them, you have not responded as they expected. That goes on and on.

Every time when somebody points finger at you saying that you are the reason their life is not happy, not fulfilling, not rewarding, that you cause them problems and so on, you must not believe that.

This is, in fact, a matter of responsibility. They want to put the responsibility of their issues on you.

Once you become responsible for what you do, say and how you act, there is nobody to blame. You did what you did and you made that choice even if it seems there weren’t any choices. Blaming life, other people, diseases, health, relatives, friends, enemies, government or money issues is shifting the responsibility to them.

Since day one of your conscious life whether you realize that or not you are the only one responsible for what your life was, is and will be.

That means running your own life and not depending on counselling, doctors, diseases, parents, kids or spouses in a responsible way.

A person who feels like a victim will always blame something or somebody.

The first step towards a better life and resolution of problems is to stop being a victim or feel like one.

It also means to stop identifying oneself with their disease and problem.

Nobody is a disease or a problem.

The second step is taking responsibility in a very serious way.

It is a very important step. It is much easier to rely on somebody else’s advice and later blame them that you failed because the advice was wrong. It is much easier to always complain that the reason your life is miserable is because the root of all evil is somewhere outside you and you cannot do anything about it.

Taking responsibility means becoming aware of you. It means, finally starting to accept you as you are and being fine and satisfied with that.

It is much more difficult to admit: I am the one who got me in this situation. I am the one who made possible this chain of events. I am the one who experiences the sequences of all millions of decisions I made or did not make. I am the one who made these things happen or allowed something or somebody to destroy me. I am the one who made the disease the most important part of my life. I am the reason people behave towards me as they do. I am the cause of all good and bad things in my life.

This is because everything is in us: our past, our today and our future.

Take responsibility

The subconscious mind of every person holds the key and answers to anything we face. Subconsciously, we not only know everything about us, but also other people. We have just lost the key to our subconscious mind and it takes a severe emotional, mental or physical experience to be shaken so deeply that we gain access to this universally engaged subconscious mind.

Why counselling services are so popular nowadays?

It is clear that practically every single person has some kind of problem. Life is not a smooth ride over blossoming fields in a clear sunny day.

If we believe that the answer is somewhere, but unavailable to us, we eagerly turn to counselling and we start taking advice since it is much easier than to take responsibility.

The next step will be taking control of your own life if you already haven’t.

Take responsibility

Next time more, it is a long story. It is an ancient story which many of us can recall in our subconscious mind.

The family album

I got this album in 1959. An inscription on the first page says that this album was given to me on May 18, on my Angel’s day when I was 1 year old. What a great gift! 60 years have passed, this photo album has been traveling with me, and my mom had preserved and saved it for me while I was away or couldn’t take it with me.

People who are old enough remember how we couldn’t snap a picture as many times a day as we wish.

Photo taking was a big even back then in Latvia. One had to prepare, get dressed and have an appointment made. When one got to the photo studio, there were lights turned on, arrangements made and quite a few pictures taken to get the best result. Photo film was developed and later we got real pictures on a photo paper. Judging by quality, I must say some of these photo papers were excellent.

This year on Mother’s Day, I’m not celebrating, but looking through old pictures and thinking back in time when I was just a small kid in the world which I genuinely and passionately had come to love.

My family album

We lived outside a small town in Latvia, which was Latvian Socialist Republic in 1961. I was 3 years old. I look at this picture and I absolutely do not regret that there are not many hundreds of pictures, but just one. That makes it a treasure. That makes it very special.

I can clearly visualize all blossoming trees and fields and the old building where we used to live back then. In my memories, I never see my mom and dad that young. I always see them having fun with daily chores and endless duties because we used to treat work as something we value and love, not as a burden. I sit there in the middle. I can recall the dress I am wearing, the stripes were pink and there were kind of illustrations and they also had bright blue and light green. Mom’s dress was sea green-blue. I do not recall the color of dad’s suit. Well, it was 58 years ago. My mom used to wear a lot blue and blue-green outfits which she had sewn herself because her eyes were strong blue color and it went so well with her light hair.

I enlarged this picture after I scanned it (I should have scanned more of these old pictures) and I realized that I have never seen my dad this young. I would imagine mom was very worried before the photo session because she always cared a lot about all small issues and things. I think she was a perfectionist, just as I have been for the most part of my life.

Mom and dad were married for 48 years. Such a short time before the 50-th anniversary! I think my mom was never the same very energetic and tireless, always busy with something person after dad passed away in 2005. No, I cannot imagine how hard that struck her. I think also when somebody has spent practically an entire life with some other person; it is almost as losing a crucially important part of oneself.

I with my mom and dad in 1961

I do not smile, but I look like my daughter in later photos. I love my very smart eyes and very thoughtful look in pictures. People have always asked me to smile when taking pictures, but I am trying to have a kind face with no silly smile on it. That’s how I like it. It’s way better than weird smiles.

I had a very saturated, mentally and physically balanced and good childhood. I spent it all out there, surrounded by nature, flowers, trees, fields, forests, pets and animals. I think I never left that place in my thoughts, in my mind or in my memories. I keep it alive in my paintings.

It was a great life without internet, TV and without internet. I believe, we had some ancient radio. We ate only food we had grown in our own orchard, vegetable and grain fields and vegetable garden. We kept a few cows, and some other creatures. I loved chickens most. Nobody ever told me when we had chicken soup made from chicken which was walking around the yard recently. I wouldn’t have eaten it; that is for sure. We also rarely had any sweets, except jams we made and some home-made pastries or home-made desserts. However, working as much as my parents had to, that was rare and mostly on some special events. I do not recall any birthday parties or similar things. It must be that they were unimportant to me.

I spent most days outdoors. I helped whatever I could, that included gathering flower heads, leaves and roots for herbal tea, and I was weeding long rows of potatoes, sugar beet and other vegetable rows. When I was 5, I was weaving baskets, too.

I never stopped adoring everything that grows, but I also tried to draw multidimensional drawing. I tried to show that table has 4 legs, and that was kind of difficult to reflect in my drawing. I never drew profile or animated things. I tried from the first drawings to implement dimensions, perspective and values, even though, I had no idea how to do that.

We did not have medicine cabinet and any pharmaceutical products. Our medical supplies were all home-made and collected and picked up outdoors or grown in the garden. I do not recall going to the doctor when I was a kid. I don’t think we even had any pharmacy there, maybe in the central part of the town there was one. I never had or knew about allergies and many issues which are so common nowadays.

I developed my own value system very early on. Honesty, respect and trust were extremely important constituents of it. It is still the same, although, it is 58 years after this picture was taken. As I go through more pictures, I might share a few other memories about life in Soviet Latvia more than half a century ago.

Well, I was happy where I was and things like anxiety, fear, depression, feeling of loneliness or being misunderstood, bullied or attacked never crossed my mind. It was a life absolutely perfect in its balance. There was no internet or even phone. That may have been the best part of it all because it is so much nicer to talk to people in person when they visit your place. It was definitely childhood with a capital “C”.

My old family album

That is what I found today in the album I have had for 60 years.

Celebrating feminine power: International Women’s Day 2019

March opens the gate for spring so that we can walk through it with the first spring flowers and honor the uniqueness of every woman, their mission and awareness of the feminine power.

Flowers open to the sun as if in spite the still cool air and soil, and breezy, chilly winds. They’ve come long ways and survived the lack of light and warmth in winter.

Much longer days and the bright and daring sun beams allow seeing everything in fresh and strong colors.

We give birth to new plans, nurture brave ideas and get excited with fresh thoughts.

It is so wonderful to head out looking for unexpected success and brave solutions! Nothing compares to the feeling when we take ourselves by hand, get outdoors and join the dance of sunlight patches on the sidewalk!

Spring is in the air, and March comes with a firm promise: “Soon, very soon, every path will take you straight to the blossoming gardens and sprouting grasses and blooms!” You cannot even miss it!

We should appreciate every gift we receive from the spring.

Let us feel young and daring once again! Let us enjoy the blossoming season and walk fearlessly and with determination towards our new goals!

It is no coincidence we celebrate International Women’s Day in March, as soon as our boldest and bravest dreams wake up after the long sleepy winter. Who else, if not women dare everything?

This day has been always my most favorite spring celebration. I’m very happy to be in Latvia at this moment. We do not associate this day that much with political issues in Latvian families, and we do simply celebrate women for all the great qualities they have and for all the great things women achieve.

I can leave all the sad issues in the past and look forward to a new beginning. Love never dies, not even when the person we loved has gone.

These flowers tell me about the future. Tulips in my vase are from my daughter and her husband. Exactly in the red color I adore.

We do not need much to feel loved and respected, especially, if our heart is confident that love never ends and big part of it dwells in our soul.

Flowers in pictures are my room plants. They, too, feel love and care. The more I care, the more beautiful their blossoms regardless of any obstacles and setbacks.

It’s time to blossom, ladies.

Happy International Women’s Day!

My mom loved flowers so much

I have to write this small last chapter to conclude the story which hit me hard on February 22.

As I mentioned in my art blog, I have accepted the inevitable.

I had very strong hopes still all last week, unfortunately not everything happens as we expect.

I am flying to Europe and after Thursday I would love to start living in the present and look forward to the future.

It will have a lot of wonderful memories, and each picture tells a story.

It will be difficult at first, but that is what life is about: we have to eventually move on.

I am not somebody who wants to wave the flag of pain and sadness for the rest of my days. I believe we can immerse ourselves in a great future regardless of suffering and pain in the past and learn a lot from it.

This post feels almost like keeping some unspoken promise. The story ends, but the legacy left to me lives on.

My mom’s life consisted of hard work for the most part. She was never having any vacations, and the only trip she ever took was in 2010 to Canada where she spent a month with us.

She went through the Second World War, and as her mother passed away in the result of an accident, mom had to take care about her twin siblings. They were 4 and she was 13. The house they were living in 1943 got hit by a bomb and they, too, rushed out of town and towards the Northern part of Latvia where there was still chance to survive without being hit by a stray bullet.

There was starving and fighting for life, and there was complete insecurity, and she was just a teen, a kid actually, but she managed.

Russians took over Latvia after the WWII, and that’s when a new battle began for my mom. Her dad and the older brother had been among the Latvian nationalist fighters, and the oldest brother had studied to become a priest. With such relatives, one couldn’t hope to get a good job or opportunity to settle down.

Still, my mom worked at nursery school and sang a lot. She had a wonderful strong voice and she was very welcome to join the choir and performed at different gatherings.

My dad returned from Siberia and GULAG in 1956. He met my mom and they got married in 1957. It was big love, honest and great relationship which provided with a family model me and my sister. They lived in a happy marriage for 48 years until my dad’s passing in 2005. Unbelievable, they reached almost the golden anniversary!  I believe my mom was never quite as happy after the shock and pain following dad’s passing.

My mom was a wonderful fashion designer, and I learned sewing very early just watching her. She had a very vivid and bright imagination and turned her ideas into adorable dresses, suits, coats, blouses and so on.

She never had just one job, she always worked for private clients at home, too, and afterwards in the garden up to the moment when it was so dark outside that one couldn’t see clearly.

Music and flowers were always her big excitements. She sang and listened to others. She had exclusive taste when it came to interior decorating, personal style and personal image. I guess, I got that from her.

She was extremely organized and neat and I have inherited that also.

88 years is quite a stretch of time. So much has happened and so much has changed.

Her life could have been longer. The care she received at hospital was delayed, negligent and, as the final test showed, the treatment was wrong. Well, it’s too late to figure out what if.

Mom was very much loved and deeply respected.

May this small picture gallery serve as my input in celebrating her gorgeous life!

Please, no more sorry messages, although I am aware that is what one wants to do to show their respect. There is a special post on my Facebook profile where one can leave such messages, link at the bottom.

However, I would really appreciate comments about purpose and meaning of life, power of creativity and importance of art if you have ever been thinking about these matters.

I am looking forward to a day without pain and sadness. It is the 4th day without my mom. I have come to accept the inevitable outcome.

The main thing is: she was a wonderful mom who taught so much of life skill to children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She left a very meaningful legacy for us to follow.

Most people do not read any posts, but if you wish to send me some good vibes, please head over to Facebook and leave a message: My Facebook profile, scroll down

Bad news is always unexpected

It is more so because nobody wants to get bad news. Ever.

We are never prepared for it.

The day when we are hit hard comes suddenly. It is always at the wrong time.

That is the lightning from a clear sky moment.

Storm, earthquake and flood together.

As I wrote in my articles some time before, it is hard to recognize signs we are given. I missed the gut feeling and signs 100% this time. I believed that every single thing was going so well, I was absolutely calm and peaceful and satisfied with the way our life was at the moment. I sort of disregarded the nagging feeling that something was not right with my mom. I thought we would be talking on Friday night anyway.

Well, we didn’t.

I had to face bad news which was so overwhelming at first that I felt absolutely lost. It did not help being so far away and left in darkness either because the emergency department at P. Stradins Clinical University Hospital in Latvia literally lied to me and told that everything was under control when it absolutely wasn’t. They had not initiated the emergency treatment for more than 24 hours. They totally disregarded anything we told about mom’s medical history. The attending physician made an absolutely wrong clinical decision which was corrected only when at least 30 hours since event had passed.

In such cases, treatment initiation urgency means success. Any delays mean irreversible changes and losses of the brain cells. Being so far away and on the other side of the globe, I was left with the only option: to pray and hope.

I made quite a few calls to Cardiology Centre at P. Stradins Clinical University Hospital.  I was trying to find out why my mom was placed in a general cardiology department instead of neurology department. She had clear and unmistakable stroke symptoms. The attending physician who was in charge on Saturday, February 9, was rather rude and did not want to either listen to me or to give me any smallest information. Quite honestly, I took a deep breath after she rudely disconnected the phone and I felt like some wave of dark water was rolling over me. The feeling of hopelessness was so deep that I had to clench my teeth in order not to scream.

I suppose some people really forget that if we are lucky enough, we all get old and age. I was told it was the case quite frequently at Latvian hospitals that old age people had way fewer chances to survive than the younger ones because they were simply neglected. I could see it so clearly now.

Our prayers were actually responded to. Very luckily for us and my mom, the doctor in charge on Sunday morning was a very skillful one. I do not know his name, however. He immediately initiated blood thinning treatment to dissolve the blood clots which had blocked the blood supply to mom’s brain.

It is hard to say how much success the so much delayed treatment will have. She was left also for almost 28 hours with no water, I mean, she was heavily dehydrated and that means less success in such cases. In fact, it is proven that 42% of patients who had stroke, caused by blood clot, suffered worse and harder to treat conditions than the well-hydrated ones. Water saturation in the blood matters a lot because it is an extra blood thinning factor.

How do I get over the most shattering and shocking experiences, bad news and sleepless nights?

I read a lot of books, non-stop all night.

I paint if I can during the day.

I do hard physical work whenever my health allows for that.

I still believe that universe and God want to treat us well. That is why we can have hope and rely that help will be available.

Mom recognized me when I was talking a small bit today using Facebook Messenger. I know we are not completely out of the woods yet, but it is still so much better than the two previous nights.

Patterns of life and bad news

I had a surgery at the end of January, and I am ok. It will take some time to get over all this and to heal and to recover, but it will be fine at the end.

I cannot reply to all comments and I cannot return all likes because it simply is a difficult time for me. I will do whatever I can and deal with everything else afterwards.

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