Love yourself passionately: how and why

On August 15, 2019 By Inese, visual artist, writer and life sciences bloggerIn goals and determination, happiness, life, love, personality26 Comments

You are manager and boss of your life

In my previous universe and subconscious mind related articles, I reviewed how seriously universe takes you. If you are not yet a responsible manager of your own life, you have to change things around so that you decide what happens to you, not anybody or anything else.

Who or what runs your life

You have to become the one who creates the life you want to live by not allowing to be pushed around or told what not to do. Just floating with the stream also takes you nowhere or it takes you where the stream goes which might be a place where you do not want to be.

Difficult times should not stop us

This is fast-paced and complex time we live in. Pressure from social media, requirements from workplace, family necessities and the need to prove the society that you are a worthy and valuable person, obligation to compete and establish your presence can take one’s true identity swiftly away and dilute your personal goals and intentions.

Somebody told me how the life felt so immense and infinite to her in the age before the internet. There was definitely much larger personal space, there was much less need to show off or demonstrate one’s greatness. There was absolutely no need to invent your online personality just to be in line with everybody else and not to look bad.

Satisfaction with life

Loving ourselves is a huge part of a good and satisfactory life. There is also a tight association between satisfaction with life and loving yourself. We are the source of our own happiness, genuine pleasure and well-being. The only true harmony must also come from within us. It is pointless to look for it in diets or entertainment. In order to be satisfied with your life and the way things happen, you must start with loving yourself, honestly, truly and passionately.

Most people try really hard to be an excellent student, flawless employee, perfect wife and mother, as well as good child to their parents. They end up perfecting and developing their skills to exhaustion and try to do everything for their children, take care of older parents and become a superb wife or husband that always supports her spouse to achieve their life goals.

Put yourself first

The only social role which is quite frequently neglected is our own personality.

It is understandable how one wants to please everybody in order other people would say they are helpful, kind and good people to be around.

We have to put ourselves first actually. While pleasing others and taking care of everybody else’s needs, we do not live our own life. We start to depend on other peoples’ judgement and opinions. In that case, our well-being completely depends on what the others said, thought and how they viewed our actions or us.

What does it really mean to love yourself?

It first of all means to realize who you are. That means to become conscious of your own desires, goals and intentions. That means to be aware of your qualities and bad traits of character and still respect and love yourself for who you are and how you are. That also includes self-care and doing no harm to oneself.

Being selfish or loving yourself

There is a thin line between selfishness, extreme selfishness and loving oneself. We have to always focus on the golden middle. Your common sense should guide you and tell where a total selfishness starts and where you just say “no” to make your own life more pleasurable and satisfactory.

The less you love yourself, the more often you will come to conclusion that you must be fine with what you have and you are not entitled to strive for more. Quite frequently that also involves neglecting your talents, skills and abilities, because why to bother?

Our only life: here and now

In our current shape, we have only this one life. We do not know if, when and how we might live again. Therefore, we have to live consciously our own life without being a patch to others needs and goals. Gradually, we learn saying “no” to invitations, requests and demands. We guard our inner space and we do not allow anybody to deplete our energy. That means choosing between activities, deciding on entertainment and even more so on work tasks and different duties.

Problematic matters

If you clearly know that you have to do a lot in order to genuinely love yourself which is not the same as publishing exciting stories about your success or selfies where you look the best on social media sites, you should at first identify the areas which require some change.

Most people will identify only physically visible things (too obese, too thin, too old, too many wrinkles, bad hair and so on), but we have to think about the mental part of us also. The satisfaction with life is born in our brain. Our brain and our head manage everything, and dissatisfaction with life causes neuroses, depression, anxiety, nervousness, insomnia, tiredness, lethargy and mood swings which sooner or later manifest as physical damage to our physical body.

Loving yourself results in happiness

The happy people usually take good care about themselves. They normally love themselves also: with all they have physically and mentally. That does not mean only loving yourself when you are in a perfect shape, look great and life is kind to you. That means loving your wrinkles, your not-that-perfect body, loving you when you are sick and when crying, too. Your current body is all you have for this life, so love it! That also means loving yourself early in the morning and after a long workday. That means understanding why you feel the way you feel and figuring out how to change the annoying or upsetting matters.

Steps to self-care and loving yourself:

identify what you adore, love about yourself and are pleased with, don’t stop at only physical look, work, skills or relationships;

identify what areas need improvement and include all areas of life, as well as physical body, mental state and any conditions that bother you;

learn making decisions about what you need and what you absolutely do not, prioritize;

make a list of things you want to do, what you desire, what is necessary in order you (nobody else) would feel better, good and satisfied with your life;

implement and focus on purposeful actions: new hobby, new skills, attending courses, getting education, engaging in sports, spending time outdoors, doing physical exercise, changing eating habits, giving up bad habits, learning new things, creating garden, attending hairdressers or spa, massage, cosmetic or beauty treatments, changing home interior and so on.

The goal: pleasure and satisfaction with yourself and life

The goal is to experience pleasure and satisfaction with yourself (what you have achieved) and be happy with changes.

Thinking less of yourself causes numerous diseases and health problems, therefore: love yourself genuinely and honestly and from the bottom of your heart so that the soul can sing!

Next time more.

Seasons change: why not to change something in our life, as well?

On September 21, 2015December 23, 2017 By Inese, visual artist, writer and life sciences bloggerIn challenge, fall, happiness, healthy habits, lifestyle, personality6 Comments

Autumn is here. I don’t really like that much thinking that it is a fall; therefore, I’m sticking to the more poetic British “autumn”. Nature is thoughtful and prepares carefully for frosts, winds, rain and sleep. Well, we will be not sleeping for 6 months, but our energy levels due to lack of sunshine and the great mood vitamin D decrease can go down, too, therefore, we go for comfort foods, comfort settings, comfort treatments and we certainly consume more sweets than we should.

Seasonal turn is a good time for creating new habits. Why not right now engage in some herbal tea? Make it a habit? Some herbal tea is beneficial in many ways: it can calm or re-energize, wake up or help falling asleep, take care of brain alertness, improve mood, decrease pain or infection, so on and so on. The only thing one should do is to choose the right thing, I mean, the right tea. The most beneficial herbal aids are those which grow in your native land or land where your parents and grandparents are from. Our DNA has much longer memory than we do, so we should trust it and support it. Our body will respond with good health.

I hear and read quite often how people are told: you cannot do it on your own. I dare to say this message is very misleading and it carries exactly the opposite meaning of what our human nature is about. The only person we always can and should trust and rely on is WE. We know ourselves the best even though we sometimes do not want to admit that we are having all this huge knowledge. We want to put our weak side first and complain about lack of support and that there is nobody who we can cry on a shoulder. Well, there is always this one: we ourselves. Theoretically it is like this: if some other human has done it, I can do it, as well. We are made so that we can do everything we need during our lifetime. That includes much wider skills than we can think off, much more understanding than we would imagine, much more strength than we believe we have. Sometimes resources are hidden very deep, and getting to these resources can be tricky. However, humans are the most adaptive creatures on the earth, or would we still be alive if we weren’t? Just to mention the piles of chemicals we are breathing, drinking and eating in, we have quite adapted to harmful substances; to a degree that mild poisons don’t kill us, at least in a short term, they don’t. Therefore, whatever you problem is, you should know that you can deal with everything in the best possible way. Your own health is in your hands, your own success is in your hands and also the solution of your own problems is YOU. Many people really need to start thinking: I can do this on my own. What is usually stopping you from achieving your goals? Bad luck? Could be. Bad financials? Quite possible. Bad inherited disease? Well, many people go through all kinds of health problems.

You will make a difference in the moment when you take control of your life in your own hands. Support is great, but you don’t even need it BECAUSE YOU CAN DO EVERYTHING ON YOUR OWN. As soon as you realize how many opportunities are straight within you, how many solutions are just waiting to be discovered, you will start RELYING on yourself. TRUSTING yourself, because you have all the answers already. It is hilarious how some people want to convince you that they know what exactly your problem is! They are just guessing and here and there they hit the right spot. Asking for advice is completely another thing. We should appreciate any advice and yet, only we decide whether to take it or not, whether there is something valuable for us, in particular.

I am attaching some of my fall pictures. I couldn’t resist since there is always so much beauty straight in our backyard.

Happy autumn!

Has positive thinking made you rich, healthy and happy?

On July 6, 2015April 1, 2022 By Inese, visual artist, writer and life sciences bloggerIn goals and determination, happiness, lifestyle, personality, positive thinking, willpower19 Comments

Or did you have to work hard and go through lots of struggles instead?

I believe, everybody has seen these and similar ads: eat whatever you want, don’t even exercise, and lose weight. Just take our pill so that everything happens effortlessly.

Effortlessly is the keyword for everything. People, who want to make money using these empty promises, are quite successful.

Try our dating site and see how you find the right husband or wife right away, we do everything for you so that you just enjoy this person and are thankful for the rest of your life. To us.

Try our new outfit and see how effortlessly you get a new job because you make such a fantastic impression at the job interview.

Try our product and see how effortlessly you become the healthiest person ever, just one spoon a day, and you are like new and absolutely free of any digestive problems.

Use our cream and make your wrinkles and age spots disappear within one week. You will look just like her who’s undergone some 10 plastic surgeries and has daily beauty procedures in the most expensive clinic with the most expensive doctors.

Buy our book: positive thinking and positive attitude and see how your life improves within a few days. You are rich, healthy and happy. Problems disappear, and your mind is bright, focused, and sharp. Every day is a happy one, and nothing bad can happen to you. Effortlessly, just write down these sentences or repeat them in the morning and before you go to bed.

So, we could continue endlessly because all what one has to do is think positively and repeat affirmations and everything happens. They get the dream job, or even better, – don’t have to work at all. I saw on Facebook, one had to share a picture with piles of banknotes, and it said underneath: money flows to me effortlessly, and that was promised to become true. That sounds like a line from a criminal fairy tale. In reality, there is no such a thing as money flows to somebody effortlessly.

The next thing is usually health: repeat or write on a paper whatever times this positive affirmation and you will be surprised how no headache bothers you, you never get colds, heartburn, digestive disorders, anxiety, diabetes disappears, cancer resolves from itself and heart attack or stroke will never threaten you. It’s very simple: just be positive and pain will completely go away. Depression will turn into uplifting energy. Broken bones will heal and age related dementia is just a joke which may affect people who are not positive enough.

In the same simple way one can change the relationship, make bad marriage good just being positive about it, get hundreds of new admirers and therefore have no problem with choosing a spouse.

Here it finally is: somebody has discovered the secret of success in any area of our life. They know it, and you don’t. You definitely have to learn about that.

While there is a true connection between our thoughts, the way Universe acts and reacts to them, nothing happens effortlessly, but we cannot deny the factor of being at the right place in the right time.

That’s why positive thinking is attracting so many people. It is said it solves everything: from health problems to financial disasters and debts, from mental disorders to marriage solutions and personal improvement.

First of all, life is life, bad things happen to very nice and good people, too, and the biggest part of humans or almost everybody (whether they admit that or not) is unhappy or unsuccessful in some area of their life and time to time. Nobody can be absolutely happy every single moment, and anything we do can potentially have wrong or bad outcome, as well.

Secondly, when things go wrong or health gives us hard times, most people often look for causes in themselves and in their own actions, and after that they blame other people and life, government and their destiny. Bad diagnosis is mind-blowing and devastating, and we are ready to do everything to cure ourselves. That is how one initially feels: completely lost, desperate and helpless. Because we all instinctively hope that nothing bad can happen to us personally. When such book about positive thinking comes along or happens to be in our sight, that’s like something minor to buy it, possibly read it and possibly try to be positive when we are absolutely desperate, in pain and suffering. Maybe we should choose a better path to let the Universe know what we want.

The huge number of terminally sick, badly sick and suffering people proves that pure happiness approach does not really work. If it was so simple: why are there so many sick people who suffer from incurable or partially curable diseases? I am very sure many of them are aware of positive thinking and have tried it. We are actually overcoming our fear from the future not because we are positive we will survive, but because we have many protective mechanisms built in us and physical and mental strength to cope with such issues. That is called willpower and desire to live.

The huge number of homeless and jobless people also proves that there is no real connection between being positive and having everything one needs: safe home, well-paying job and enough of good, nutritious food. Everybody has positive attitude and positive expectations when they go to apply for a job, when they try to save money for a house. Yet, positive thinking won’t prevent us from global financial crisis which can destroy all savings and put us out on a street. How bad is that because we are positive, but people who have all the money might be not? Otherwise, they could just simply help us out. meaning, most people of this planet need help, especially financial because money solves numerous issues.

Although, millions of people have tried the positive attitude challenge and still do, that hasn’t had any impact on the decrease of diseases, that has had no impact on the global economy and that has had no effect on each and every family’s wellbeing.

Lots of people live or at least try to live believing that everything is fine and if they feel something is wrong, they blame themselves for not being positive enough.

Positive, negative and neutral thinking are simply distinctive ways of perceiving the reality, therefore, there is no reason to put emphasis on one of them. It is obvious that we must have a positive outlook when starting or doing something (otherwise: why to bother?), but this positivism has to be based on realistic evaluation of facts, and therefore, realistic optimism is much more valuable than plain positivism. We review our chances, we evaluate our goals and chances, and we realistically approach every problem.

Realistic approach also includes a healthy criticism. Well, that might seem to be too much down to earth, but I could list hundreds of examples when realistic optimism causes no disappointment, but overly positive expectations do, and that happens every time when there was absolutely no reason to hope for a good outcome.

Lots of people believe that they are entitled to everything, and to have this everything shouldn’t take them any efforts.

There is no scientifically proven correlation between positive thinking and perfect health, longer life, better income or better personal relationships. I could insert a long list of psychologists who proved how delusional positivism and obsession with seeing no downside in anything can have the adverse effect: from more severe depression and anxiety cases to people who got scammed out their life savings or got betrayed in other ways. I will not insert this list because I want to describe my personal observations and experiences. However, if you google “the negative effects of positive thinking”, very many articles listing psychological research will come up. That means, positive thinking does not constitute “a cause and effect” correlation because people who are already healthy, people who have no financial problems or are naturally inclined to explain everything from the trust and belief position (are born as a psychologically easy-going type) will definitely be more positive and maybe even less cautious than people who struggle with pain, are terminally ill, have broken marriage, don’t have a job, or home, have broken relationships, etc.

However, there is a strong scientifically proven correlation between willpower, personal integrity and perseverance and better health, better jobs resulting in better income and more successful relationships. Willpower is not the same as positive thinking. Willpower is neither positive, nor negative. It shows that the person has the strength to withstand whatever comes along and to stick to their plan. Willpower also allows implementing our intentions regardless of obstacles, and quite often that is all what matters.

Under the never-ending pressure to pretend and to show how positive and well we are, we do not want to admit any bad things anymore because that might be understood as a weakness, as a personal failure. We feel obligated to be positive and to show off our “everything is excellent” side. Nobody has cancelled troubles, diseases, disasters, failures, broken promises and broken hearts. That is life. The bad sides of our life have to be assessed and dealt with accordingly: black doesn’t become white if we think so. We have to paint it white and do this with internal strength from the position of our personal belief and willpower, without pretending, without lying to ourselves.

When somebody is seriously sick, they need a treatment. If one has tooth ache, they have to go to the dentist. When husband is cheating or beating up the wife, this wife has to divorce him. When small kid is rude, we have to react to it. When our house is dirty, we have to clean it: roll up the sleeves and get down to it which is not really exciting or entertaining.

Talking and thinking does not always help or do the job. We have to act instead of expecting a miracle. It is dangerous to expect we will have everything we feel entitled to without putting any efforts into it. That refers to absolutely any area of our life: being fit and good-looking, having a great relationship or long-lasting marriage, having financial stability, good job and improved global climate.

Neither this world, nor life is perfect. Humans have imperfections, too. It is good to strive for self-improvement, but this is not done only by thinking and attitude. The attitude should be realistically optimistic, but the main part is a positive action, or an action to implement all our positive intentions. It is not enough to think: I am beautiful, smart and healthy, while spending the entire time staring at phone or laptop screen on a coach and eating junk food. Is it?

In my experience, positive thinking gives results only if it is based on assessment of reality and it is followed by an action in the right direction. I am for realistic optimism.

Besides, one website offered free happiness training. Cool or what? Free. Free happiness for everybody. I told before, type in Dalai Lama’s quote about how man surprised him most because of not living neither in presence, nor future and dying as if he never lived, and this site will come up, but maybe don’t do that because Olga, a fellow blogger was embarrassed to receive messages every day, although, she didn’t sign up for anything on that site. This is just how terrible they are: you want a free happiness and they make you suffer for that.

Have a good day and life! Thanks for reading!