Happiness is moody: life lessons
The New Year has walked across the globe by now. Although, it is just a date, a reference mark along the way, we meet the January 1st as if it is a new beginning, a new way of life, a new hope and a new happiness which awaits just behind the next bend. Or does it?
I don’t think I can go through one more year like the last one. I will do my best not to, that is for sure. I look around, and I am much surprised how I actually have got done so many things. I sometimes cannot believe I did that because there were so many days in the last year I was unable to walk, to sleep, to feel somewhat ok. I certainly hope the 3 year-long terrible suffering is over and, hopefully, the issue is resolved. It should be. Will it?
Many years ago, a Latvian poet wrote some sad lines: “When the pain will stop, when it will completely end, everything else will end, as well.” That is exactly what it is since pain is a sign of us still being capable to take on new struggles and to prove we can resist it and get over it. It is difficult, indeed. I’m not talking about physical pain only which can be so strong that nothing more exists: it surrounds one as a thick cloud leaving no space to breathe. I’m talking about life that runs away like sand in an hourglass. Lost time, lost opportunities and lost days. So many.
My current condition was caused by negligence of quite a few physicians: GP who quit the job later, a few others who were supposed to come up with correct diagnosis, but didn’t, and, finally, the surgeon who took everything the light way: everything is fine. Right. Any of this could be avoided if the doctor ever paid attention to what patient says and knows. Yet, they don’t. I have heard so much nonsense during these years that I have all rights to say: the health care system in Canada is broken, and it is very hard to understand how some doctors without any competence in complex medical matters can be employed as such.
Well, I am hopeful because the hope is always there: the next day will be much better, the next month will be much easier, the next year will be much nicer to me. It should be. It better be. Or otherwise what? Nothing. It’s about time I return to things that make me happy.
As a young kid I had to walk to school for quite a distance every morning. I hated mornings because I was usually reading all night, and it was extremely difficult to get up. We used to live on a high hill. As I walked, and sometimes the weather was just really nasty, I could see another hill, far away. That hill always seemed to be sunny when it was windy, cold and rainy or snowy where I was. I have no explanation for that, but the sun just loved the distant hill. I often thought: I’m going to get to this other hill. I’m going to live my life on that sunny hill. Years passed by, but the other hill remained in quite a distance. I moved to a place from another side of planet across the ocean. I left that hill there, in Latvia. I don’t even know if it is visible anymore because any landscape changes a lot over 50 years. I am still on the way to that hill. Am I any closer? Maybe. I just know I’m not on it, I haven’t reached the point where I want to be, to live, to stand, to exist yet. Will I ever? Does anybody ever have it all? The truth is: we get something and we pay a lot for it. We sometimes pay more than we ever imagined was possible.
The truth about anything that doesn’t kill us and makes us stronger is only in that regard that we know we are not giving up that easily now. Is it necessary to become stronger this way? Not at all. So much energy goes to waste which could be used for way more rewarding things, things that actually make one’s life relevant and significant.
It was sunny during the day. That might be a good sign. A sunny year? How wonderful that would be!
Wishing everybody to avoid unnecessary struggles and to reach your sunny hill whatever way you take in 2017!